Grateful.

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It’s maybe time to revel in this place in a little…

I am thankful for my path as a human.  I say that jokingly a lot, but I think being alive and experiencing this world is a pretty magical thing.  All the extremes of emotions that can be felt as a person, all the experiences that can happen are amazing to me.  I sit in awe sometimes at how truly marvelous the world can be.  My life hasn’t been without challenges, but in a spectrum of existence, I know that I’m extremely lucky with the way my fate has played out thus far.  I am a lucky person that I have the ability to live the lifestyle I do and have the experiences I want.  I want to believe that there is a bigger plan in this universe, and that the things that I feel are missing my life are keeping space for adventures that are meant to be instead.  This is not a bad life and I am filled with gratitude that it’s mine.

The people in my life are inspiring.  I am not sure how I got so lucky to have the most amazing support network that a person could ask for, but I’m filled with gratitude that I’ve been able to nurture such deep relationships with such a broad range of people, especially over the last decade.  When I step back and look at the various families that I have added to my own, I’m humbled.  My Poser people, the Poltz cult, the Schmeers, my college crew, and everyone I’ve met since…you all make me feel like I belong to something.  I’ve reached this place in my life where I feel like it’s okay to be myself most of the time.  I feel like I’m accepted, validated and supported by some pretty incredible people.  To reject their praise and wallow in self-doubt is to deny their ability to select quality humans to surround themselves with right?  The same way I expect someone to believe me when I tell them they’re awesome, I need to not feel so uncomfortable with hearing the validation I so desperately seek.  So somehow, all of these people choose to love me and it’s amazing.  They guide me, inspire me, listen, offer patience and advice.  I feel like it’s okay to ask for help, it’s okay to be weak sometimes, and I feel like there is a line of people willing to put their arms around me and remind me I’m not alone.  I maybe discount that too often, but it’s a damn special thing.  I am so grateful that I’m not alone in this world and have such a diverse group of resourceful, caring people to reach out to.

I’m grateful for my career.  Maybe it’s luck, or chance that I got a temp job that put me on the path to be a marketer, but I love what I do.  I might or might not have loved being a teacher, but I am grateful my life took this pivot.  I really love evangelizing consumer products that people can be enthusiastic about.  I love finding new ways to bring awareness to tools that allow people to live their lives more creatively.  I am so blessed that my hard work has paid off and that I am recognized for my success.  I am well paid, appreciated, work with great people, and frankly, I am damn good at what I do.  It’s fantastic that I found something that pays me to do something I excel at.  I am so lucky that I’ve had so many wonderful, patient people to guide and teach me how to navigate the business world.  I have learned tons of lessons, been allowed to experiment and take chances, and given responsibility that helped me grow.  Being someone that gets so much of my self worth from my job, I revel in gratitude for all of the things that make such a major chunk of my life so pleasant.

It’s important for me to remember these things.  To be in this place instead of the darker place in my head where I feel like a rejected impostor, wallowing in what I’m lacking instead of what is thriving in front of me.  I need to do more writing like this.