One day recently I was telling a close girlfriend that I was having a rough morning and I didn’t know if I even could muster the strength it took to brush my hair. She replied “I say DON’T brush your hair as a statement of power and control.” So I didn’t! It’s amazing how empowering hair can be! Another girlfriend recently wrote about how the “crazy hair” she used to have back in the day didn’t measure up with the modern mom image that her hairstylist held of her. Hair drives our identity!
I really love my hair. It’s easy to deal with and it makes me feel pretty. I don’t spend a lot of time messing with it. I’m the brush and go girl – and have no problem showing up places with wet hair.
I have almost always had medium-long hair. I can’t ever remember a time when my hair was much shorter than my shoulders. I have also always had a double cowlick and widow’s peak that caused me great suffering at the hands of verbal bullies for most of my adolescence. (Looking back, it’s not like I was some hideous creature, but kids can be mean and will find ANYthing to pick on you for.)
I haven’t dyed my hair in years. There was a time when I had what I like to call “blonde disease”. (The unconscious process of getting blonder and blonder with each touch-up.) I gave it up realizing that there would be a time later in my life when I’d probably want to dye the gray away constantly, and thought I’d give myself a break for a decade or so. Lately I’ve been noticing the little patch of gray hair I have has been growing. This morning looking in the rear view mirror as the sun came through the open roof of my car, I noticed that my gray was growing and glistening in the sun. I’ve been resistant to dye it again. My awesome hairstylist, who’s been cutting my hair for over a decade, always comments on my caramel colors. (Walter at Lavish is actually an infusion of good feelings all around, he’s awesome and totally worth the cost to help me boost my self-image.)
I don’t really get my hair cut more than every 4-12 months, sometimes creating a “cousin it” situation. For the past year or so, I’ve been letting my hair grow back out more, and only getting a small little trim every now and then with the intention of trying to have enough for donating to Locks of Love. When I started my LOL project, I never knew how hard growing 8 inches below my shoulders would be! It’s like two steps forward and one step back every few months with the growing and the cutting! Recently, with all of the challenges in my life, I wanted something I could control and have power over, so I’ve been thinking of just giving up and drastically chopping it. There’s too much baggage in the timeline of the hair. I want to let it go. I’ve picked up the phone to make a hair appointment a couple times in the last few weeks, but not gotten through or gotten distracted, which is a good thing, because I think I’ve changed my mind!
I saw this picture of me from an event I did with my goddess girlfriends last weekend and really loved it. In fact, the whole series from the whole night made me feel really positively about myself. I found myself thinking “dang, I look pretty in these!” I realized that one of my favorite thing about the pictures is my long hair. Maybe it’s not baggage in the growing strands, maybe it’s strength? I don’t think it matters right now, but I do think I’m going to keep my hair a little bit longer. I don’t think I’m ready to give up on Locks of Love, or my long wavy hair. I love my hair. It helps me love me more.